A Sense of Purpose

I normally blog every night because -
(1) a lot of things happen to me in the 17-18 hours that I’m awake, and
(2) I think too much about the things that happen!

I didn’t blog last night as dinner, which began at 7pm, ended at 11pm. Couldn’t escape from it as it’s a new restaurant I was reviewing for work. Then, home to answer emails regarding the latest volunteer project that I’ve undertaken: collecting food pledges for the Lions Befrienders (Sembawang) and Methodist Children & Youth Centre, a beneficiary of the Sharity Gift Box. More pledges from friends came in today. Thank you one and all, you’ve made me really happy!!!

Yesterday, an acquaintance who has heard a lot of rumours about my life for the past four years, asked me if I was working toward saint-hood when he heard about what I was doing.

I don’t ever want to be a saint! I don’t qualify anyway… I just want to make people happy, and myself happy in the process, while I’m living this life. It’s pretty funny because this is something I’ve always wanted to do for ages but never got around to doing it. You know how it’s there in your mind but it’s never your top priority? That’s how it is.

Yes, it is tiring because I’m doing this on top of work, contributing to the bedroom*jocks site, writing freelance for my friend, and trying to squeeze in time with Josephine and a couple of close friends. I hardly have time to date! *haha* But everyday, I wake up with a sense of purpose and I feel like life is worth living.

One friend commented that I’ve become such a busy-bee, another says he can’t catch up with me and yet another wonders where I get the energy. However, whomever I speak to, especially close friends who know me well, all say they get really inspired by me.

Josephine always admires the way I’ve lived my life without reliance on someone else.

In Geetha’s own words: “You are the only woman our age who has the guts to go with your true desires and feelings. To that, I bow to you.”

Pauline says I’ve given her inspiration as after a bad incident, I always pick myself up really quickly and move on with a happy smile.

My colleague Sharon wonders at how I can find pleasure in the simple things in life and not worry about being single. In my Friendster testimonial, she writes, “She lives in this exciting yet very uncomplicated life.”

Kimi and Zhen Han seem amazed that I can party and have so much fun, while being aware of the politics that goes on in the scene. Andre admires my dedication to the scene and my belief that it can still grow. He agrees that he can’t think of any other female, who’s not a DJ, who has been working on the scene for as long as I have.

Kenneth, who’s been my friend for nine years and knows about my family background, is correct when he says I’m “infinitely happening” yet “fiercely independent”.

My mom thinks I’m just plain scary!!!! She says I’m too out-spoken and too daring for a girl, and I party too much; which explains why I scare off the guys. *haha* She still doesn’t understand why I want to chase my dream and passion of being a writer, choose to stay alone, collect tattoos and pierce unmentionable body parts... wait until she hears about me doing volunteer work!!!!

So why do I do what I want to do, or have done what I’ve done?

I think it’s fear. I don’t want to lie on my deathbed, and upon reflection, regret not doing stuff I wanted to do or not fulfil wishes that I knew I could. While fear stops others from doing things, it drives me to achieve and do things.

I hope that this will be the final scene of my life:
At my wake, the most oft-said sentence would be “She touched people’s hearts and soul, including mine, in her own special way.”

Hey, I can hope can’t I? ;-)