Till Death Do Us Part

I came across an uncommon sight on my way home today. A couple out on their evening stroll, and holding hands, crossed my path. I noticed them because they were about 70- to 80-years of age.

The last time I met an intimate senior couple was in October 2001, on a holiday to New Zealand with my mother. The tour comprised 11 honeymoon couples (Europe was an unpopular choice then because of the bird-flu outbreak) and the only people who stood out were this elderly couple who were about 70-years, and my mother and myself.

Throughout the trip, the elderly duo held hands and never went far without the other. I learnt from them that they are proud grandparents of many and the NZ trip is their annual 'honeymoon' away from the family. When I influenced everyone on the tour to have two scoops of made-in-NZ fresh ice cream on a cone, they joined in and always looked forward to our daily treat. +

This chain of thought was actually triggered off this morning during my journey to work. I was reading Dr Wee Kim Wee's ^ collection of 39 essays, Glimpses and Reflections. One essay, titled Till Death Do Us Part, spoke about the increase in divorce rates (from 2,111 in 1982 to 5,825 in 2002) and how people took their marriage vows lightly. *

Personally, I've never believed in marriage either. Partially because of family background, and partially because I personally know people who've been through divorces. Very messy in any case. With all the negativity around me, I felt that it was pointless putting a couple of signatures to a legal document if neither party was going to uphold their vows. My view was that as long as both sides continued to cherish, care, communicate, accommodate, understand and love without expectations or conditions, they really wasn't any need for the paper. Not unless children came into the picture.

But why do marriages break-up? There are several mitigating reasons and each case is unique from the other.

There's a base factor that I feel develops to more serious problems and it affects not just marriages but also dating couples: we are all brought up with gender stereotypes, and the expected behaviour boyfriend-girlfriend / husband-wife has been ingrained in us.

Hence, we enter a relationship with pre-set values and expectations. A couple of examples:
- Some ladies expect the man to pay for everything. They recoil at the idea of having to share the cost or even paying for everything on occasion.
- Some men expect the ladies to give up their career to be a homemaker. They feel it's a bruise to the ego if they can't support the family single-handedly. Further, they expect a warm home-cooked meal and a foot rub from their wife when the reach home.

The world, times and people have all changed and are still changing. It’s time to throw out these non-progressive ideas, forget past hurts and discard bad experiences. Embrace the unexpected that is given to us and make the most of it. Enjoy the surprises and indulge in the magic of the moment.

Yes you’ve guessed it. Although I don’t believe in marriage now, doesn’t mean that this belief will remain. Everything is open to change and adaptation. That’s the beauty of life and I love it!


Footnotes:
+ The story of New Zealand and the ice cream will be told in another blog entry.
^ I’ve always admired Dr Wee for several reasons. The biggest of which is the fact that he rose from just a simple clerk to journalist and finally to Head of State. He’ll be explored in another blog entry.
* I swear I wrote the title of my blog before I even checked up the title of Dr Wee's essay. Serendipity?